GrOwThMoNgeR

I am getting out of the military for ptsd and panic attacks from it and also my back but recently I have had to quit smoking chronic and I have been clean for 2 months and over this period my panic attacks have increased immensely and the intensity is crazy. I feel like I'm gonna die or I freeze up and can't perform simple actions and I can't be around ppl. I don't know how to describe how they feel but they suck so bad and it has been bothering me so much lately that I cry and shit and breakdown Idk what to do anymore and I hate feeling this way. I feel hopeless and before I had everything planned for when I get out but I am freaking out now and I can't keep myself together. I feel so weird and I have no family support system but I'm planning on moving in with a buddy in a north eastern state. Idk but tomorrow [mod note: no hookups] This Valium isn't doing the trick and I have to keep myself chill and in control because I have so much stuff I need to do. I feel really desperate and I have never felt so helpless. I am going to buy a truck tomorrow so I can haul my stuff when I move. [no hookups] I am cracking apart and I need something besides these 14 meds they have me on, I seriously hate army docs because they have no idea what they're doing and I need to get as far away as I can. I only have my squad leader and first sergeant to talk to and they have been letting shit slide with me because they know how shit's falling apart for me. I'm sorry I sound like a desperate weak person but I'm not. I was keeping up with special forces squad leaders before I got hurt. I wanna feel like I have something good and be happy and I hope it happens. I'm renting a car to get where I'm going to get the truck in Dallas area and I hope I can keep it together for the drive. Maybe some sleep tonight will help chill me out but I haven't been sleeping or eating because I feel sick. I have been eating so little that I only took 1 crap in 5 days and go for 3 days at a time without sleep I need a better doctor and I need to not let these nightmares keep me from sleeping. I gave out alot of info about me and I hope yall can respect me for being honest. War has messed me up and I guess I'm just desperate. I wanna go somewhere out in the middle of nowhere and just set up a camp and toke and get my head clear so I can come back to society. Whoa I sound like a crazy dude. lol idk. i am crackin up. jeez i'm sorry ppl. i'm really a good person and i love everyone and would throw myself on a grenade for anyone to save them or take a bullet. htat's just how i am. i am selfless and humble but right now i need someone and the docs here arent cuttin it.

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GrOwThMoNgeR

ok just took a double dose of valium. feeling a little better but still really anxious. wow i sound psycho. i'm sorry. I'm really not a bad guy. i hope yall still respect me. i like everyone on here because you give me positive vibes. i don't mean to be bringing bad ones. i just need support even if it is from my friends online here because i do care about yall and hope yall are doing good and are safe.

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Basqueinzakism

Hey growth,

I have much respect for you brother, you put yourself in harms way, to fight a shitty presidents war. You risked your life to help people and now those leaders that you swore fealty too are throwing you to the docs and pumping you full of shitty meds, and for that I am truly sorry.

I am going to compile a list here of strains that will help you. I did not come up with this list i have found it here on GC and wish to transfer it to you..edited of course,,,

(AK-47) for your depression, insomnia.
(Big Bang) Used to sedate and relieve stress & anxiety amongst sufferers of severe anxiety,etc.
(Blue Moonshine) Anxiety, depression, insomnia
(Blue Satellite) Pain, nausea, insomnia, anxiety, muscle tension
(Blueberry) Nausea, insomnia, pain
(Burmese kush) Anxiety, depression
(C99 x Great White Shark) Anxiety
(Fieldale Haze) Anxiety
(Firecracker) Anxiety, depression
(Jack Herer) Anxiety
(Kali Mist) depression
(Killer Queen) Depression
(M-39) Depression
(Northern Lights) Anxiety, insomnia
(Super Thai) Depression
Ultra Green) Insomnia
(Wakeford) Anxiety, insomnia
(White Widow x Big Bud) Depression
(White Widow) Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

I hope this list helps you, some of the strains may be hard to come by, but some of the more well known ones IE White Widow, Jack Herer, and Blueberry should help you with your three main issues, PTSD, Anxiety, and insomnia.

I have had panic attacks in the past and I know how awful and gut wrenching they can be. I feel for you man. I want to thank you for your service and hope everything works out for you.

Good luck in Dallas with your buddy!!!

Peace and Love
BZ

mc1969

passion flower works great . and mandela strains great too.

GrOwThMoNgeR

yo i am just gonna ask around i guess cuz nobody on here has pm'd me. don't worry i am a legit soldier and not a nark. i will call to confirm or whatever you wanna do. i am serious about getting some good medicine. idc about price i just need it so i dont freak out anymore. idk what the policy is on here about hookups [mod note: no hookups]. peace. valium is helpin for now. my squad leader said they may put me on xanax.

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analog

"tomorrow is always a different day" i tell myself that a lot, when a PA happens.

I also watch my diet make sure i'm not running on fumes ie not enough
food, or good food even, with too much caffeine and not enough sleep.

are you having any trouble with insomnia? does exercise help?

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bluecheese

GrOwThMoNgeR I've already edited your posts.

The Posting Guidelines are linked in my signature - you might read through them.

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cheese

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GrOwThMoNgeR

i'm good i got a hookup now. i've been doing alright lately. been spaced out tho. well i have 11 days in the army left. peace

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sillysister

I used to suffer from panic attacks quite frequently. When it happened years ago the doc put me on drugs that I didn't like and soon stopped taking. The attacks eventually subsided when I got some counseling and implemented some life changes. Now all these years later and with the effects of the current economy on my livelihood, the PAs have returned. Now, I understand that some people find relief using cannabis for PAs. I don't. It can make it worse for me. It doesn't always, but sometimes it does. When I get one, whether stoned or not, I take a capsule of Kava Kava and it totally stops the PA. Maybe it can help you too? Worth a try.

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SS

Lusitano

Military man, I can't help you with the PTSD or the MJ (you know enough here) but I know you have been screwed by the military as many many of your fellow soldiers have. You have rights a benefits fromt he VA you need to get. Never should they have cut you loose in this condition!! Are you already 100% md boarded out? Have you signed that you accepts their pay off or whatever they gave you after your med boards? Sign Nothing and say you wish consult with Amvets or others first!!!!! Let me know where you are in the outprocessing. You should be medically retired, no severance or BS. If not, I can help you, i hope. You have VA benefits and Soc Sec benefits to get ASAP and you IWLL need them. They will help more and provide an income forthe rest of your life. How much, depends on you medical paperwork.

Ack, so much ground to cover when you are completely messed up and can't deal with it alone. PM me if you want to talk. I am in the middle of PCSing so I don;t look here much. (no , not AD!) I will do so for you if you want! Meanwhile, make sure you have copies of all your med records and we'll go from there.

As for the PTSD (sp?) I believe there is a man lucking on this site who can help you a LOT. He's in Amsterdam... if he's not lurking, i'll find his email for you. Those silly pills the army docs put you on won't fix anything, just mask it until you are resistent to them, especially Valium.

I can't promise anything, but I will try!! PM if you are interested... I won't bug you if your not. Please don't give up!!!

My pain killers are screwing with my head right now... so I hope what I wrote makes sense... sorry

Lusi